Are Manners dead?

Most times, getting compliments leaves me feeling reassured until a co-worker told me, “You're always so sassy; I love it.” Everyone wants a sassy gay boy in their friend group, at their restaurant dinner table on the weekend, and especially on their side while shopping in the mall. But when did being mean oops, I mean “sassy” become the new personal trait accepted in today's world? A witty, nice, nasty, limp wrist response is water falling off a duck's back, but not listening for a response from someone you just asked, “How you are doing?” is synonymous with being a self-centered, egotistical prick. A group of pretty women enjoying a birthday dinner on a higher octave level than others at a restaurant is cute; people dream of one day having a friend group to celebrate their birthdays with, but a group of snobby, white, rich men loud at a restaurant or bar its greeted with disgust and little admiration except for from like-minded peers and similar background individuals. Karens have become the new personality for middle-aged women with blonde hair, and to be fair, they play their role exceptionally. The recent president, Donald J. Trump, has been crowned the biggest a$$ hole and the leader of the greatest nation on earth all in the same week. is being an a$$ hole the new thing like the BBL epidemic. Has the mean girl aesthetic been taken too far thanks to ….. and if so are manners dead?

What even are manners, and what purpose do they serve? Are they just weaponized rules used by older generations to maintain the balance of power elders have against the obeyers? A cliche tactic used to flaunt one’s social status? Or just a complete waste of time and effort, lost in outdated beliefs of treating people with kindness and respect because that’s the “right” thing to do? Webster's Dictionary defines manners as “social conduct or rules of conduct as shown in the prevalent customs.” In my friend groups, it's good manners to yell “clock it” or “period” if you agree with a statement being said. And, of course, I don’t call my mom by her real name because I have good manners, and that’s my mom. And I would never get in someone’s car and start messing with the radio without asking first.

Do you have manners? I’m sure you’d love to think you do. Say yes, ma’am, no ma’am, yes sir, no sir. Please and thank you. Don’t cuss in public, especially in front of little kids. Smile when someone says hello or good morning to you. Take a shower every morning because, ew, who wouldn’t? Hold the door open for women and children. Don’t talk with food in your mouth. Don’t talk back to your parents, and don’t talk back to your friend’s parents. Don’t invite people into a dirty house or dirty car. Show up on time! Bring a birthday gift on a birthday to a birthday party on a birthday with a birthday day gift. Don’t steal. Don’t touch people without permission. And NEVER let your girlfriend pay for dinner on a date!....... See, not so bad, huh?

Let us neglect manners altogether. Me not saying please or thank you to someone isn’t keeping them up at night. What if I need to check my parents on a certain issue respectfully? Saying ma’am and sir to random people is so outdated, women don’t even like being called ma’am sometimes due to not wanting to be perceived as an old lady. The less well-mannered people in today's world make it even more iconic for people with good manners. If someone were born into a situation where manners weren’t taught or necessary, the way a well-mannered person behaved would be weird to them. Manners are a social construct created by society therefore, it’s whatever behaviors or actions we want it to be. Personally, I hate being called sir, it triggers me because it makes me feel like that person is trying to remind me I'm a boy because I’m a feminine gay boy. But then I reel myself back into reality because calling someone sir or ma’am is a sign of respect in many cultures. My Gen-Z self believes asking someone for their pronouns before assuming their identity would be considered good manners. Still, some people don't accept the “new age” non-gender-conforming ways of life, even though nonbinary terms can be dated back to the 14th century. 

The idea of manners is relative and can change as time ticks. Does having good manners equate to someone being a good person? It doesn’t. Manners can be used to trick people into thinking you’re a genuine person as you wait for your opportunity to strike. From my personal experience, manners are just a tool. A tool used to navigate through today’s society. Good manners, like saying please and thank you even when unnecessary, leave people shocked. Be very keen on the times when overextending yourself to be polite turns into an inconvenience to oneself. Kindness can and will be taken as a weakness more often than not, but being a kindhearted person should never be looked down on. There are plenty of days (like today) where I don’t want to speak and don’t want anyone to speak to me, and these feelings keep me from using good manners even when I know I should. For instance, I might not say good morning to my parents today, I might leave that text on read, I probably won’t answer the phone today, and I might not hold the door open for a person in a wheelchair right behind me walking into the same building. One of the best weapons in my arsenal is being a complete B*tch after letting someone slide with being rude or mean for a certain period and they never see it coming. Killing people with kindness is another useful tactic to use if you feel like being the bigger person, but when your waist is a size 28 it’s hard to be the bigger person. Let’s also save some space today to acknowledge when manners are supposed to be used no questions asked, at weddings, nice restaurants, churches, family parties, to your grandparents, if they are nice, when speaking to your teachers or professors, when speaking to the president, the list goes on and on.